I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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