Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
