i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
