Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
