awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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