I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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