i love accidental penises.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
