She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Do vagina's smell?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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