I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
