So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
