he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
