Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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