I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
