oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
