You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
