Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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