Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
