When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
