And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
