haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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