Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
