I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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