why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
