in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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