Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
