I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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