There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
