Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
