this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
