is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He? As in you personified your dick?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
