remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
