can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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