: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
