i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
