My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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