what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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