She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
