I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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