How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
