absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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