do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
