That's when you crack a 10am beer
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Use "feeling words"
Yay
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
