when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
