The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
