Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
