K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
