I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
