You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
