So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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