all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
