white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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