WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
